Letters to a Younger Self (Part 1)

I turned 40 years old the other day. It wasn’t cathartic, it wasn’t depressing, and it wasn’t the end of the world. It was just another birthday that just happened to land on a nice round number. But I decided to myself early on that when I turned 40, I would write a series of letters to my younger self to remind myself of my journey, and some of the important things that I wished that I knew earlier…but glad that I know now. Even some things that after 40 years, I’m still not that great at, and I still find myself struggling with from time to time. So here goes (cue Rocky Horror Picture Show – “Time Warp”):

 

Dear Younger Me,

Hey, buddy. It’s me. Future You. I just wanted to let you know, you’re doing just fine. At the very least, you made it to 40 (and probably beyond…I dunno past that because my Further Future Self hasn’t written me yet. Lazy asshole.). I just wanted to give you a little bit of advice, and maybe set your mind at ease. I mean…no matter what, you’re going to spend the next 30 years (give or take a few years) worrying about it anyway, but couldn’t hurt, right?

Your Looks / Your Height:

Yeah, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but you don’t grow to be 6′. In fact you barely grow to be 5’4″. You always had a complex about this shit (yes, when you’re an adult, you can curse, and you obviously do so with gusto). And I’m not going to blame you for that. It took me years to figure out how to be comfortable in my own skin, all while being ostracized for trying to be. It’s going to feel like every time you get a leg up, someone kicks out the other one and laughs in your face. (I won’t lie to you, kid…that shit happened.) You’re going to spend a bunch of the coming years constantly worrying about whether you look good enough. Trying to take this small frame that you’ve been built and trying to turn it into a masterpiece. You’re going to worry about it, stress about it, lose sleep about it, cry over it, get angry over it, blame the world for it, blame genetics… Let me state it plainly for you. You’re going to be an unbearable little shit.

And that’s okay. You weren’t given the tools to live normally in this bizarre society. And you certainly weren’t given a step stool onto the social ladder that everyone else seems to easily climb. But I repeat: You. Are. Fine. It takes you a while, but I assure you that you find your stride. Like most of the physical things you have to deal with…you walk your life in small steps. You weren’t meant to run through quickly and leap over hurdles. No, you were built short, sturdy, and strong. You don’t climb or jump over walls, you plant yourself and ram the damn thing until it crumbles.

Height is concrete, the way that people view it is arbitrary. What that means is that there’s a lot of people out there where that doesn’t matter. All your best friends will be taller than you. Everyone woman who has fallen for you, or that you’ve fallen for, has been taller than you. And yes, don’t worry, you will find people who love you exactly as you are. They may lean down a bit to kiss you or hug you, but just remember that when you sit at a table, or a couch, height doesn’t much matter.

Look people in the eyes more when you talk. You’re a sincere guy, and people will like that about you, but it always shows in your eyes. Don’t shy away from that. Don’t slouch and talk into your chest. Chin up, chest out, and walk like a man. If you can, go see the inside of a gym once in a while, or at least make sure you do your push ups and sit ups. You’re a short guy…you even look at a french fry the wrong way, and you get a double chin. I know, I know…I like ’em too. Just remember though…get in shape for yourself. Not anyone else. You’ll think that you need to get in shape to be attractive for someone else, but I guarantee you that if you think that way, it’ll never stick. Do it because you want to be healthy, or for your self esteem, but never because you want someone to look at you. That isn’t how this works.

But aside from your weight and muscle tone, there isn’t much you can change about how you’re made. So smile. Be funny. For god sake, be proud every once in a while. Don’t be cocky, but know your own worth. Your physical being is the least important part about you, and I guarantee you that nothing you have ever done has been prevented by how tall or skinny you are…and in fact, everything came to you because you are who you are, and look the way you do. And all the kids, teens, and idiot young adults who insult you or treat you as less than you are, I guarantee you that you’ll either literally “show them the door”, or you’ll fly so high above them that their words will never touch you.

Hang in there, kid. You’re a lot stronger than you think.

Love,

Your Future Self

Mid Life Isolation: Why They Don’t Have Emo Songs For When You’re 40

Greetings from the Abyss. Pardon me if it stares back. It’s been a while since I posted anything on here. Fortunately for some, and unfortunately for others, I have not died. The thing is…I’m at a crossroads for this blog. I started writing this thing shortly after I broke up with my then fiancee, and needed a creative outlet for these feelings I had. Then, after some time and some spectacularly terrible dates…and some I’d define as only “meetings” since that’s how far it went before shit went south…I decided to write it all down. It’s kind of like when you get into an auto accident and you fill out a report for the police, only the report is laced with snark, and written by a sarcastic cop with a sense of humor. I started writing silly posts about the rules of dating, dating philosophy, do’s and don’ts. Pretty soon, I had a following of wonderful readers, and I think I must have gotten trolled by Reddit a couple of years back when some people put me on their Neckbeard page. (Thanks for the hits, even if you were trying to call me an online creeper.)

And lately, I’ve had a very active life. Lots of different experiences, lots of wonderful amazing adventures, travel…  But the fact is, I kind of stopped looking for this elusive thing called “love”, and generally don’t play the game that modern people have coined “dating” anymore. Maybe it’s because I don’t really fit in into the mold by which we seem to gauge attraction anymore. The so called “game” has changed by leaps and bounds to the point where it’s unrecognizable to someone like me. And not just that, but more and more, while there are a lot of aspects of my life that are progressively getting better and I find that I excel…there are some parts which I’m finding are just left by the wayside.

See…next year I’m facing my big 40. I don’t really give much of a damn. I never really held much stock in that whole “mid life crisis” nonsense. Plus, I have my Asian genetics going for me, which makes me look at least ten years younger than I actually am. So aesthetically, I’m not doing that badly. The thing is though, the older I get where I’m single, the less and less I care, and that is starting to disappoint me.

I used to love meeting people. I loved going out and still do. I used to classify myself as an extrovert. Big voice in a tiny body, fun at parties, great conversationalist, storyteller… I can still be these things, but more and more, I find myself being alone and being okay with it. Maybe not okay, but rather, indifferent. I just don’t care, and that’s what frightens me a little bit. I used to have more passion for this. But more and more, I find myself going to dinner alone, going to movies alone, going to see a show alone…and most of my nights are spent in my apartment by myself. I go days without texts or calls from anyone (except maybe robo-calls or Verizon). Increasingly, I find that a large isolation field seems to be spreading with me as its Ground Zero. And I try to muster some semblance of caring. I should meet someone new! I should reconnect with friends! I feel bad for the friends that I DO have who get these inane texts from me, because somehow it feels like they are tethering me to the world.

And it’s not like I don’t do things. I have theater, I have choir, I have work… I interact with people every day! But there are days where I feel detached, like a dislocated femur. I got to wondering if this was my version of a mid-life crisis. See, every other aspect in my life, if I work hard enough at it, yields greater results. Plugging away at your job, excelling at it, can lead to a promotion. Practicing skills, rehearsing longer, leads to better opportunities, and refinement of your craft. There’s not much you can do with interpersonal interaction except go out there and roll dice. You’re not always rewarded for your hard work. In fact…sometimes, it’s much more beneficial to back off and say fuckall. And it gets worse as you get older.

People look to those of us who have been on this earth longer to have our shit together. Because honestly, at this point and juncture in our lives, we should have a reasonable grasp on things. People are less tolerant of us not knowing what it is that we’re doing. Like if I don’t know how to do my taxes, I call up my mother or my father and ask. Sure, I could go Google that shit, but who has the time to sift through 12 pages of jargon? You ask your parents and they know. If they don’t know, they point you in the direction of the family accountant, or a financial consultant, or the phone number of a friend of a friend who is just really good with numbers and owns a calculator. You don’t GET that with romance, love, or relationships. Going to couples therapy only works if you’re already part of a couple! Most of the time, what you get are platitudes and “it gets better” speeches. Not saying they’re not genuinely concerned, and mean you well…but it’s the equivalent of asking your parents how to do your taxes, and having them say “…have you tried Google?”

There’s a reason why most emo songs are about childhood or teenage angst. Because at my age we need to figure shit out or deal with it. Panic at the Disco doesn’t write songs about the trials and tribulations of their 30’s. Why? Cause no one is that sympathetic about someone who already had the time to figure out life, and just hasn’t done it yet. But more and more, I realize it’s not just me. There are tons of people on Facebook who just kind of look out into this grand abyssal digital chasm and go “All my friends are married and I just microwaved a Hot Pocket and YouTubed cat videos for 3 hours…”

So here I am…about a half year before my 40th. I’ve long passed the angsty teenager in me that contemplated dying on a whim, and far surpassed the point at which I was supposed to be good at this. Now, I’m just “dealing with it.” A lot of this is auto-pilot, if I were to be completely honest. I still do the things that I want to do. I work hard so I can allow myself to be happy in my free time. I just wish I had the same passion to love that I had once. Granted, it’s a fine line between that and desperation, but I never had to check myself to see if I was “settling” for someone until now. I never had to make sure I wasn’t just trying to coast myself into what I imagine what a good relationship should be.

Maybe this is what my mid-life crisis is going to be. I’m not buying an expensive convertible (cause I can’t afford it, the insurance premiums would be off the charts, and it’s not frugal in the least), and I’m not getting Rogaine, or plastic surgery (cause look at me, I’m pretty cute as is). It’s going to be finding someone that truly deserves me and I truly deserve in the midst of a maelstrom of “fuck-its”. It’s going to be rekindling the love I have for connecting.

…so I don’t know what the future of this blog will be. I’m not done writing. Not by a long shot. I have plenty of ideas, and some fun topics on the way. And people are always giving me new inspiration for writing about relationships and the human condition…and as always it’ll be written in my sarcastic, snarky style that some of you have grown to love (and I guess neckbeards have grown to hate?).

Regardless of where I am in life, I’ll continue to post here, until that day where I have no more left to say on anything. Cheers all.  – AB

A Scared New World: My First and Only Political Post

I’ve always enjoyed writing as an exercise because it managed to get me out of my own head. Writing something down was an exercise in escape, and also a great way to understand my own mind. And for the most part, when I write something on this blog, most of my writing came right off the cusp and flowed easily. So I wonder what it says about this political process, that I started writing this post before the very first televised debate, and on the morning of the inauguration, I’m only now just able to get my brain cohesive enough to write it. I must have written and deleted thousands of words by now. Some of them may still apply, and some of them don’t, but honestly…never in my recent memory have I been so conflicted about HOW to write something down.

I don’t like writing about politics. Why? Because I don’t spend every waking hour watching the news. I don’t wake up in the morning and read the paper. Being a reasonably logical person, I try not to write something where I’m not sure of my facts. And let’s face it…true actual facts have been rare on either side because there is such a thing as media bias. Not just that, but the majority of people, whether they want to admit it or not, get their news sources from those sources, because it’s readily available. And if we’re honest with ourselves, we make up our mind about a story before that story comes out anyway because we all have social, intellectual, emotional, religious, economical, ethical bias. Nothing wrong with that. It’s the human condition. No matter how much we say that we see things objectively, the perspectives that are usually thrust upon us, are for the most part biased, which then shapes our knowledge of a subject. Politics and history: examples of two subjects that are essentially shaped by the winners.

To introduce my own political affiliation, I’m a “center-leaning” Democrat. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, equal rights for all citizens, support LGBTQ rights, support women, support the arts, for smarter gun control laws, separation of Church and State, freedom of speech, freedom of the press…all that jazz. I also believe in smaller government, less taxes, I shoot guns at a range, I value faith in whatever form that comes in, buying “American”, and strong National safety. I’ll come back to all this towards the end, but for now, know that that’s where I stand.

Having said all that, and knowing where I stand personally…I need to get a few things off my chest, and so I hope you’ll all indulge me in letting me vent this out. I’m going to try to stay off specific views and kind of look at the entire process, and my general problems I see on both sides. This isn’t me trying to be objective. This is me stating what I see, and you’re all entitled to take my perspective and do with it what you will. I’ll try to keep it entertaining.

High Road, Low Road, No Road: During this process, you heard “They go low, we go high” as a sort of rallying cry whenever one campaign would smear the other. This implies a clear moral hierarchy. Let’s be perfectly clear. I dislike President Trump and his politics (or lack of any coherency to them). But the minute that we called him a “Fuck Cheeto with Hair” (I laughed) and called his supporters “a basket of deplorables”…we lost what tenuous grasp we had of the “high ground.” But then again, the Republicans lost the high ground with all this “birther” horse crap with President Obama, and not whole heartedly denouncing the KKK when they burned crosses and threatened his family. BUT THEN AGAIN…we called President George W. Bush the worst President ever, called him an idiot, and just called him “Dubya”, with no regard for the fact that he held the title of President. And we can go on and on and on all the way back to Washington, and I’m pretty sure someone called him a “wig wearin’ nancy boy.” It’s a Chicken or the Egg scenario, and nobody is winning that argument. (No, not even if you invoke the name of God, thank you.)  In this and almost any election in recent memory, there is no such thing as a High Road. There is either THE Road, or NO Road. There’s only Good or Bad or In Between, and those fluctuate based on an individual’s perception. There is no “high road” because…and this is going to sound crazy…BUT WE DISAGREE. Disagreement breeds contention, contention breeds conflict, and conflict breeds violence, violence breeds hate. (Go ahead, make a Dark Side reference…it’ll make you feel better.)

One side isn’t the Devil, and one side isn’t Angel. What it is, is that we are all Human. To treat each other and our candidates like they aren’t, is unfair to them, but more importantly unfair to each other. It does us no good to claim that we take the High Road. Guess what? The minute that we claim that we are taking the High Road out loud, we automatically plummet OFF OF IT. Not just that but neither one of us is winning. And while we’re on the subject…

Reductive Titles / Names And Why We Hate Them: I think that if more people knew my politics, more people would label me a liberal. During the last couple of elections we seem to have gotten into the habit of calling people who believe in God, conservatives. We label liberals as God-less, we label conservatives as Bible huggers. We assume Trump voters are racist and sexist. We assumed Clinton voters were whores and tree huggers. One side wants to take away our guns and surrender to terror, while the other side wants to wear the good ol’ Stars and Stripes and go wipe out a nation that doesn’t have adequate food or water. Red and Blue, North and South, Smart and Elitist vs. Religious and Bigoted. Sigh…

We have GOT to stop this shit. In the beginning of this post, I told you all that I was a “center-leaning” Democrat and then listed some of the things I believe in. That was so I could make the following point. Neither side OWNS any of my beliefs, nor yours. A woman who gets an abortion because she was impregnated by being raped still clings to God in her time of need. A back country farmer can still be against sending his kids to become a soldier in a war that they had no stake in, and welcomes immigrants to work for them at a fair wage. A police officer can truly believe that Black Lives Matter, and minorities can be bigots.  A political party does not OWN our beliefs, and to reduce the entirety of one side to a series of talking points from either candidate does us all a disservice. All of us are MUCH MUCH more than the least of humanity that support either side. And being called the same names as these dregs dehumanizes us, and only strengthens the division between us, and the hatred we have for one another. It legitimizes their anger towards us.

And on the eve of some pretty large inaugural protests, I want as many people to remember that more than ever. Because the way tensions are, this entire things has become entirely too much of an “Us vs. Them” scenario. Especially at some of the larger marches, please keep in mind that all it takes is one person who believes that their side is the ONLY right side to take their actions too far, to spark violence. No matter how peaceful the process, there are always going to be people who believe in degrees. In many ways, “peaceful protest” is somewhat of an oxymoron. A protest, by its nature, is indicative of a group of people with strong beliefs, loudly and assertively voicing their opinions to a side that disagrees in equal or greater measure. It takes so very little to push that in either direction. Even as I write this, I read that an Anti-Trump protest turned ugly when some protesters threw things at law enforcement and Trump supporters as they exited their rally. I remember 8 years ago and again 4 years ago when racial epithets and burning crosses were being carried around on the eve of President Obama’s inauguration. All of these things…because we believe the least of us…represents all of us.

Social Media and the Chamber of Echoes: I love social media. I do. I love how I can contact my friends, see what’s going on in their lives, set up events and meets. I like that we’re capable of it now. I am a huge President Obama supporter, but not just for some of his politics. He was the first President to do the job under the scrutiny of Social Media. I know that it started during George W. Bush’s presidency, but it didn’t really gain its real power until sometime in his second term. President Obama’s election was the first real cycle in which Social Media played a significant role in electing him, and also in his 8 year Presidency. This worked in a lot of ways, but primarily, besides the media, it made those of us who were incredibly removed from the political process, much more involved. It allowed those in power to kind of HAVE to keep us updated on what they were doing, and made them more accountable to us as a whole. Information started to flow faster and faster.

But this created a new problem. Information flowed at such a fast rate, that we sacrificed speed for accuracy. Particularly when it came to the media who started reporting things faster and faster to become the people to “break a story.” Ethics were compromised and information became more biased in order to fill the gaps left from the lack in facts. I think that this may be one of the causes behind the widening political chasm between the far right and Fox News, and Far Left and MSNBC.

Here’s the thing about Social Media. The people there are our friends. We tend to keep in touch more with people who we have more in common with. Call it human nature. So when an election comes around, much of the time, we are surrounded mostly by people who agree with us. This in turn creates a catalytic effect in which your view becomes much more potent and dare I say (I do), more volatile. To stick with a chemical metaphor, when you have a volatile substance, and then you take a similarly volatile substance of the opposite value that has been created in much the same way…well…you all remember Wile E Coyote drinking nitroglycerin. Basically, when you have a strong set of beliefs compounded by other people who share those beliefs, the minute that a contrary opinion comes in, the knee jerk reaction to that contrary opinion is “ATTACK!!!” Defenses are fortified, tensions are heightened, and we are ready for all out war. In reality, all it probably is, is someone simply saying “I don’t really believe the same as you, and that’s okay.” but the way it comes out on the screen is “YOU’RE WRONG! YOU’RE THE DEVIL!! AAAH!!!”

Again…neither side has ownership of this. All of the factors I listed above, I’ve seen both sides guilty of. My nature is, when I see two volatile substances clashing…I just sit in the epicenter where the damage is neutralized. I understand that my beliefs are my beliefs, and those beliefs have their own degree, on its own sliding scale…and it’s okay. It’s why, with the exception of maybe this post, I very rarely talk about politics on social media. Why? Cause I know where I stand and I know where my friends stand. At the moment, the minute that my politics arrive in a Tweet or as a status message, it automatically will compartmentalize me into some kind of box. And bottom line…even if I say something on there, I know who will agree and who will disagree. Preaching to the choir won’t win me anything. But actually supporting what I believe by my actions, my money, or my time…that’s how I’ll be judged, not by my messages. And for those who disagree with me, or that I disagree with…I’ll be there to talk to them on our common ground. Because that’s how things are accomplished.

Okay, look…this is honestly going to be my final thoughts, and then I’m going to return to my regularly schedule programming. Free speech means that those who disagree with you have just as much right to say what they feel as you do. Free press means that the press can write or report things in any matter that they deem fit. As long as the way those rights are exercised doesn’t violate other laws, I honestly could give a damn how you go about it. Someone extolling hate speech isn’t going to change my mind about the people I love, and how something is reported won’t change actual facts, or how I feel about actual events. If you exercise those rights by bombing a building, or writing lies…then yeah, you’re the dregs of humanity that I mentioned. Otherwise, I am going to chalk it up to you and I disagreeing and let that be the end of it.

This process has shown the hypocrisy between what is said and what is done in many aspects. Things like extolling free speech, and then quelling information. Preaching love, but only for people who believe as we do. Stating one thing, but doing the opposite (okay that’s nothing new in politics). Stating that you represent us while proposing laws that do the opposite. We could go on and on. Regardless of anything else…Trump becomes President Trump, but ultimately we determine its course. But for god’s sake, let’s get out from behind these screens to do it. Now that a single party runs the government, it’s up to us to actually fight for what we actually believe in…and that means KNOWING WHAT WE BELIEVE IN. For that we need facts, patience, and each other. And by “each other” I include the people that the political parties have stated are “our enemies.” Start with the things we agree on, and fight (intelligently) against the things that we don’t. Because if we can agree that the way things are going isn’t the right way, that in itself is a small victory. That is not a concession for either side. That is common ground.

It’s a good time to revive an age old tradition of social change through actual action. Get out from behind your monitors and go talk to someone. Anyone. Find common ground. Support what you believe in, by not just signing a digital petition. Go out and do. Talk to people who you respect that don’t agree with you. Fight peaceably, argue with respect, and honor our humanity. Represent the best of us if you truly believe that those who are in power don’t.

Don’t be scared. We got this. Always have. Always will.

Peace, safety, equality…love.

-AB

A Little About Me: Life and An Attitude Adjustment

When I came back home after getting kicked out of college, I was an insufferable bastard.  No, really.  I was.  (Some of you reading are going…”Was?”  To you, I say “Shut up and I hate you.”)  When I came back from living on my own in my college town, I was so ragingly bitter.  Maybe it had been watching my friends graduate and go on to better things.  Maybe it was the fact that I had taken one too many bottles to the head during barfights, maybe it was my ex with the out of control scissor play, or maybe it was having a gun drawn on me by a mobster.  Or it could be that I was just using it all as an excuse to play the victim.

Anyone who has read my blog entries know that I rant and rave against the institutions of being a victim, or of being submissive to life.  I stand up on my digital soapbox and I sermonize about how you should never be scared of the Friend Zone, stand up to your bullies, fight for every inch, proclaim who you are and what you are at the top of your voice.  But the fact is, I was that guy that I’m yelling at for the longest time.  I didn’t know what to change about myself, and I was so indignant and unaware that I was unhappy with myself, that I spent the majority of my time lashing out at the world at large.

But then my dad was operated for cancer, and I came home from my college town.  It was benign and the surgeons got it all, but still it was a nice little scare.  A nice little reminder of how life is fleeting, and that the people who we care about can be taken away in an instant.  It was about that time that I decided that it was time for me to finish my education.  And maybe that was the beginning of a new leaf for me.  Where I’m at now, I honestly don’t believe that my college education really played a substantial role in my current intelligence.  I don’t know a whole lot more now than I did before I became 30k poorer.  The thing is…it’s really not about the diploma at the end of it.  It wasn’t even about the education for me.  It never was.  It’s about finishing what I started…what I set out to do in the first place.

So I went back to school, transferring my previous college credits to a community college.  I enrolled there for a year and accumulated more credits, made Dean’s List, and then transferred again to Rutgers, where I ended up graduating.  And I made new friends who, while younger than me, became people that I wanted to know for the rest of my life.  They gave me a brand new outlook, a brand new intent…  I got a chance at the senior year that I never got my first time around.  And while I don’t regret any of it, I’ll always look at my first stint in college with bitter sweetness.

But that’s in the past now, and those choices shaped who I am today.  I can hardly regret the things that I have done since I don’t know what I would be without those experiences.  So I’ll take the hand that I’ve been dealt, because…well, what I have now is wonderful, the people I know now are wonderful.  And with the invention of social media, people who abruptly exited my life come back in unexpected ways.

So today, I find myself looking at the importance of intent, and how crucial it is to follow through on the things we set our minds to doing.  As an example…I never really cared if I finished college or not.  It honestly didn’t matter to me, but I knew it would matter to someone when I went to apply for a job.  So when I got my second chance, I seized it with single minded pursuit.  “This time, I’m going to do it.”  Failing isn’t something that I tend to take likely, which is why I sometimes take my time going into certain ventures.  It isn’t that I fear to fail at something.  It’s that, if I do fail, then I know I will renew my pursuit of overcoming that obstacle with everything I have.  That often means that I’ll ignore everything else, and expend an enormous amount of energy to make sure that I don’t fail at it a second time.  It’s quite exhausting. (Another reason why I keep a 24 pack of Monster Energy Drink in my refrigerator at all times)

So when I do something, I go for it from the start.  When it comes to intent, there really is no difference between a passion and an obsession.  Both requires the same level of intensity, same level of commitment, and the ability to ignore the lines drawn in the sand.  The rest is perspective.  When I was a Japanese animation translator, I spent days staring at video, reading over the script 20 or 30 times to make sure I got the nuances right.  When I was a massage therapist, I spent all my time honing my craft, and worked my own body to near exhaustion.  (Ironically, there is no one that needs a massage more than a massage therapist.)  And now…I work in a tofu factory.  It wasn’t a job that I necessarily wanted at first.  I’m up every day at 3:15 AM (used to be 2:30 AM before I moved), I work from 4 AM until 4 PM, sometimes (and usually) longer.  I spend my entire day poring over documents, testing product, checking for quality, fixing mistakes, writing reports, translating files, mediating as interpreter, and readying for audits…and I mainline Monster like coffee.

But I do it all.  I do it because in the end I know that it’s something I’m capable of, and that utilizes my skill.  It may not be the best use of my abilities, it might not even be something I enjoy all the time, but I intend to see this through to its completion.  Until something better comes along, I give it my all.  I don’t sleep, my social life often takes a backseat, which is why I use dating sites to try and meet someone for romance, but I also know that this is part of who I am.  I don’t take myself seriously, but I try to live seriously which often times tends to butt heads with each other.

So with all that being said, I think it’s time for another attitude adjustment.  Another way of thinking about my life that will enable me to have it all.  A career and a life.  Love and stability.  Money and happiness.  The things that we often claim are mutually exclusive, are not always so.  We just haven’t figured out how to join the two aspects together.  And this is the beginning of the road  to lead me there, and I’m glad that you’re all with me on the journey.  – AB