Right. So lately I’ve been trying to avoid my more frequent insecure moments by posting on this blog. In a lot of ways, my ritual of writing on here has become a daily affirmation of the fears and inadequacies I’ve conquered in my life. It helps to take inventory of what you know, and makes me realize that I’ve grown substantially over the years, emotionally and mentally. But there’s always one bitter pill that no matter how much I rant and rave, no matter how much I push it away, no matter how positive my outlook…will always override all the other things I have going for me.
You’ve probably guessed by the title. Now, I’ve waxed and waned poetically about my lack of stature several times over in this blog. I’ve written entire essays and posts on the subject and in some ways it makes me feel better to put it out there and then reading it over later. Especially when I write about it as if I’m incredibly tough…as if I had nerves of steel, and cojones like wrecking balls. But when I feel the way I do, the best thing to do is put my honest feelings out there, and let the world judge for itself. (the world being the 50 of you who read my blog…all of whom I love quite dearly.) So, let me stop sidestepping and just get into it.
More and more, I’m finding that women are placing comments on their online profiles that they are only looking for tall men. Now, intellectually, I get it. If I can separate my emotion from my brain, and just analyze the data given to me, then I completely understand. Some women are exceedingly tall and don’t want to feel freakishly so by dating someone who is so clearly shorter than them by a wide margin. There’s also the fact that tall men make women feel more feminine. That probably has a lot to do with the belief that women are petite, dainty, fragile creatures. (Although that doesn’t seem to stop men from plowing them so hard they crack the headboard, but I digress…) So, I don’t bother dating outside of a wide margin because quite truthfully, the odds are distinctly not in my favor.
The other side of that is that I think shorter men make women feel older. Too…maternal, I suppose is the best way to put it. Their first instinct when they see someone shorter than them is to protect them, treat them like children. Truthfully, it’s not just some women who do that though because I’ve known some men who do the same thing. When you see a handsome short guy, the description tends to skew from handsome and sexy, to cute and adorable pretty quickly. That’s not just my own experience talking, but rather the result of me talking to other short men. (Because let’s face it…I’m adorable as all hell. Like a puppy only I’m housebroken and don’t shake my ass in public…unless there’s tequila in which case all bets are off…)
Now, don’t get me wrong. Being short wasn’t all bad. When you’re in high school and you are slow dancing with a girl taller than you, they can’t really blame you when you “have no choice” but to be buried in her breasts. Also, you’re the only one with an excuse when they say, “My eyes are up here!” because your response can be “Yeah, but MY eyes are down here!” I mean, I wasn’t really a perv, (no, that came way later…) but it’s hard to convince a woman of that, when looking straight ahead means that you’re looking into her headlights like some dumbfounded deer. Hell, half of the time I walked down the hallways I’d be staring into space thinking of something entirely different! It’s not my fault that their breasts swayed into my vision.
And then I got older and wiser. With it came a confounding reality that it’s really difficult to date a woman when you’re a short guy. Which made me consider how short is too short in the dating world on average? It’s a weird dilemma. I’m too short to be considered average height, and I’m too tall to be a midget. (C’mon, you might date one just for the story!) Dating in my height range is probably the most difficult.
I met a woman from online almost 7 years ago, before my relationship started with my now ex-fiancee. We went on 3 dates, with the first two as a kind of getting to know each other kind of event. We were hitting it off pretty well until the third date when I asked her to go dancing, which she said she loved to do. So when I get to her house, I’m floored at the outfit she was wearing. I mean, that dress was so tight that I could tell what kind of underwear she was wearing. And of course, she was wearing those crazy ass stiletto stripper heels that makes a leg man kneel down and thank Jesus. Suddenly, I’m back in high school again, and I’m getting flashbacks to slow dancing. But then she said something that turned me off, and I realized my insecurities would never actually go away: “You look so little now!”
And unfortunately, no matter how good your self-esteem, no matter how much other stuff you have going for you, you honestly can’t fight City Hall. I could have very easily pointed out that a pair of 6″ f#$k me pumps would have made an average height woman into Andrea the Giant, but I shrugged it off. I’m a patient guy. Anybody who knows me can tell you that I’m probably the most patient person they know. But I’m not Buddha. But then again…I’m not immune to a gorgeous woman in skin tight outfits who are about to go out with me. So we went out, and we had a great time. Well…we did until she left with a 5’10″ Aryan.
Like I said, I’m patient. And what I have working for me is that I’m a thinker. Unfortunately, that’s also my biggest drawback. I find that a lot of my time is spent wondering if it’s easier to try to change other people’s perception of me, or my own perception of myself. The answer is completely clear! It’s much easier to change your own way of thinking than trying to coerce someone else’s or society’s in general. And yet…here I am, constantly plagued by my insecurities and ranting at the world, trying to change a societal truth, one person at a time.
The positive thing that I do hold onto while I get these nibbles on my brain, is that these moments are fleeting. And also that means my mentality is strong enough to deflect these barbs and swat them away. Most days when you read my blog, you’ll read that if you don’t find short sexy, then I’m going to have to be the exception to the rule…and you can bet your ass I will be. But make no mistake, it is exhausting to psyche yourself up that much. And no matter how often you hear that you’ll find that right person, until this hypothetical person actually comes into your life, you never cease to bitch about it, if not internally then maybe on a blog…
But, like I said, this is a rare moment of weakness for me, so I hope you’ll allow. Alright, that’s enough moaning from me. I’ll come back when I have my head on straight with my usual clout, and when I have my brass manhood screwed on a little tighter. I promise to be back to my badass behavior. – Cheers you lovely readers.